My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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