i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize