I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
honey bunches of taint.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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