I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize