is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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