oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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