Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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