i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
