she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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