You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
