I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All the doctor said was why
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
