And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
