Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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