she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it because I queefed?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
