That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
