I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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