mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
