Soap is not a condiment
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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