she woke up with a sticky ear
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think my fart just growled at me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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