last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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