Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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