I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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