saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
