he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
