Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
