i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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