Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
