So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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