How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
