dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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