wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
