so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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