theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My feet surprised me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
