guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
