I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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