That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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