im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize