I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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