Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
