A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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