I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize