There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sponge bath it is.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He passed out mid-signature
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
