dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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