its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
