By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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