is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
