Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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