i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
