is your mom at the bar?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pants are for mortals
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
