its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
