im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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