It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
