I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
