I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
