I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
