maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
