half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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