Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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