FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
