it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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