Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
