Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
