Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
