you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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