my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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