he wants to bone in the snuggie
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
