I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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