I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize